The Should Addiction.

Hello, fam,

Yes, I’ve missed you too! I decided to clear the cobwebs here and send this. I think I am finally ready to be consistent with my writing again. Let's see how that goes? How are you? doing?

The full story is, I’ve not been inconsistent with writing. It is how I process things, so I have been doing loads of writing but in my private journal. Nothing serious, just snippets on what speaks to me during the day. The introspection helps me stay grounded. Especially now that everything seems to be happening so fast, yet so slow. Weird. 

As a brief update, you probably know I packed up and left the US in September to travel the world for the next year. It’s been an interesting and challenging time but I absolutely love learning more about others and myself. There have been many suggestions to chronicle this journey properly but I’m not really sure from what angle - so tell me in the comments if you have any suggestions.

Something that feels natural to me is telling it from the Digital Nomad perspective because even if I am traveling full time, I am also working full time. This reality influences where I go and what I am able to do when I am there. So far on this trip, I have gone to Albania, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Greece, Serbia, Montenegro. I fell a little ill in Serbia so couldn’t do much and hope to be back to explore Kosovo, Slovenia and Bulgaria. I really did fall in love with southeastern Europe and I see myself coming back many times.

I am currently in the UAE and my next series of countries are in East Africa. After which between January and March, I plan to be in Morocco, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and possibly the West Bank if I am able to. All this is of course dependent on travel restrictions. Really looking forward to that leg of my “tour”!

I’m sure you are wondering what the title of this is about. Not to worry, I’ll tell you now. We can talk about my travels later.

So yesterday, I was strolling around the metaverse and came across a viral video that said "the word “should” is dangerous". That piqued my interest, and I listened more. The summary was we are consistently trying to achieve something. This insatiability even shows up in the type of language we use when speaking to ourselves; “I should do this” “I should be doing that instead” “I should have x by now” “I should be in a relationship” ‘I should get a better job”.

Of course I don’t think ambition is bad. When I thought about the video a little more, I realized that a lot of us might be addicted to chasing what isn’t here while ignoring what is.

I then dived into the rabbit hole of “should” and found that many other professionals and writers have written about why this simple word was harmful. I’ll share some excerpts.

1. Although I used to “should” myself about a variety of things, many times each day, I realized that telling myself I should be doing more or being more wasn’t helping me do more or be more, and it left me feeling like I wasn’t enough as I was - Hannah Braime 

2. The belief we “should” do or be something is rooted in other people’s expectations — not our own. When we think we should do something it’s because our family, friends, or society has convinced us it’s the right thing to do. But it’s often not something we want to do. If it was, we’d refer to it as something we want to do instead of as something we should do.

3. Shoulds are an active form of self-criticism. They suggest that we don’t accept who or where we are. When we criticize and reject ourselves (even in such a subtle manner as when using the word should) we create anxiety and stress in our minds and bodies.

Out of everything I found, my favorite was “should doesn’t exist”. 

There is no template right way to live your life, whatever feels right to you is fine. Of course, this introspection comes from a place in my life where I am fine and do not feel the need to chase anything. It could also just be old age hahaha. If 23 year old me were reading this, what I would be saying to her is that her goals should be based on what feels right to her.

I’ll like to end this with something I’ve started saying a lot 

“you deserve a life you recognize”.

So I wish you a week with a lot fewer Shoulds.

PS: feels good to be back!

With love and nicer things,

xx

Moe